


Stay With Me

by Mariska



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Episode: s05e03 Terrorform, Explicit Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 11:19:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9321155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mariska/pseuds/Mariska
Summary: Lister can't believe it but he actually does love Rimmer. The question is: does Rimmer love him? (Yet another way to escape the psi-moon in Terrorform)





	

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know, there are lots of Terrorform fics, but I wanted to write one. So here it is!
> 
> Thanks to GrantNaylor for Red Dwarf and the posse

"I love you man," said Lister, not trusting himself to look at Rimmer. "I really really love ya."

Lister couldn't quite believe what he was feeling. It wasn't the first odd feeling he'd had today, the whole experience of rescuing Rimmer from the psi-moon had had his emotions in a turmoil since they'd arrived. After Kryten had explained how the moon had transformed itself into the landscape of Rimmer's mind, Lister had expected the worst - after all he knew some of Rimmer's deepest darkest fears and insecurities. But he hadn't anticipated how it would make him feel, seeing the solid proof of just how much his bunkmate hated himself.

First pity, then an overwhelming urge to rescue Rimmer, then something he didn't want to acknowledge when they found the hologram made real, stripped almost naked and dripping oil down his surprisingly ripped torso... Lister gave himself a mental shake and tried to concentrate on the latest emotion. As he looked at his bunkmate and remembered the warmth radiating through Rimmer's now real uniform when he had touched him, Lister felt his stomach flip. It doesn't look like he believes me, he thought. I really want him to believe me! And not just because I want to get off this smegging psi-moon. Wait...do I actually love Rimmer? Rimmer?! Surely this is just pity? Protectiveness? Tenderness? Oh smeg, it actually is love, isn't it?

With that realisation Lister made a decision. He wanted to be the one who rescued Rimmer, not the others, especially as the Cat found the whole idea so repellent. It looked as though Kryten was getting ready to pull them into some sort of 4-way hug, so he quickly moved Rimmer away from the group.

"Errm, I think me and Rimmer should talk about this separately, you know, so I can explain it better," he said hesitantly, expecting to be ridiculed. But as Kryten was too polite to say anything, Holly was too busy with the engines to notice and the Cat looked relieved not to be part of it any more, he got away with the lame excuse and managed to manoeuvre Rimmer out into the back room. He shut the door behind them and whispered "Lock!", hoping that Kryten couldn't override it.

He looked Rimmer in the eye but didn't move too close. He didn't want to scare the man, but oh, how he wanted to touch him again! He couldn't help moving his eyes down Rimmer's body, imagining that chest - was it still glistening with oil? - the flat stomach and whatever the loincloth had been hiding. Lister licked his lips, then remembered what he was supposed to be doing and looked Rimmer in the eye again.

"So Listy, what is it you need to tell me in private? You've already told me you love me! What's next, a marriage proposal? Are you going to ask me to elope to some GELF moon with you so we can live happily ever after?"

Was it Lister's imagination, or did the familiar sarcastic tone have a hint of longing in it? And why had Rimmer stepped forward as he'd been speaking? They were now no more than a few inches apart and Lister couldn't help himself, he reached out and put his hand flat against Rimmer's chest, feeling the heat again and the pounding heartbeat. He hoped he was the reason Rimmer's heart was hammering as quickly as his own.

"Arnold....don't joke. I meant it. I do love you," Lister accompanied his words by moving his hand up to Rimmer's neck, the other hand joining it so he was encircling the warm flesh. He had to step forward slightly to reach up to the taller man, so they were now touching chest to chest. Lister's breath caught as a burst of heat started in his stomach and worked its way down to pool in his groin. His fingers moved almost of their own accord to tangle in the short hair at the back of Rimmer's head, noticing it felt softer than he'd imagined. He looked at Rimmer's lips and bit his own lower lip in anticipation.

Ok, forget love for the moment, this was pure lust. Lister felt that if this had been his psi-moon, his lust monster would be the largest, most demanding thing on the surface. It would rampage through cities, crushing everything in its path until it reached the object of its desire.

Forcing himself to go slowly - after all, the main purpose of this was to make Rimmer feel good about himself - Lister moved in closer until their lips were almost touching. It was torture but he managed to stop himself from ravaging that gorgeous mouth like he'd been imagining and instead gave Rimmer a short but firm kiss. Even that slight contact raised his temperature. His trousers started to feel uncomfortably tight and he had to fight not to push his hips into Rimmer's body. He pulled away to see the reaction.

"Dave...," gasped Rimmer.

He was blushing but wasn't moving away. Lister took that as a good sign and moved in for another kiss. This time he softened the contact between them, his arms still around Rimmer's neck, fingers lightly caressing the curly hair. He allowed his tongue to probe gently, seeking permission to enter, slowly deepening the kiss until he was rewarded by a sigh from Rimmer and felt his own mouth being claimed. Rimmer's hands found their way around him and their bodies were drawn closer together - suddenly everything got more intense and Rimmer started to make keening noises in the back of his throat. The sounds and sensations were making Lister lightheaded, all the blood rushing to his groin where his erection was becoming painful.

Smeg, Rimmer was such a good kisser! Lister had had his fair share of kissing, men and women, and he would rate this in the top five - no, top three - make out sessions. He reluctantly broke off so that he could catch his breath.

"Oh god I want you Arn," Lister panted into the taller man's neck.

He nipped and sucked at the sensitive skin and heat flared up in him again when he heard a moan that seemed to be ripped from the other man. They found each other's lips again, this time crashing together in desperation, mouths open, tongues tangled together in a quest to be one. There was no space between them now, their chests and hips locked together, arms tightly wound around the other. Lister slipped one leg between Rimmer's thighs and they ground up against each other, no doubt in Lister's mind that this was what they both wanted.

Lister heard the engine noise change, it seemed less strained, and he suddenly realised that they didn't have much time. As soon as they left the moon's atmosphere Rimmer would become a hologram again. Lister again reluctantly broke away from their kiss.

"Arn, we have to...I mean we could...if you want to..." he gasped incoherently.

Rimmer had heard the engines too and seemed to know what that meant for their current situation. Hesitating for an agonising moment, finally he nodded and looked meaningfully down at their joined hips, where his erection was pressed up against Lister's.

Lister, who could take a hint, especially as it aligned perfectly with what he had been thinking, pushed Rimmer back up against the wall and dropped to his knees. Luckily the former holographic uniform wasn't difficult to undo and he had soon pulled the trousers down to Rimmer's ankles. It was slightly awkward but there was no time to waste so he left them like that and brought his hands back up to the white underpants. Running his hands over Rimmer's erection through the fabric, taking the gasp and the 'oh smeg!' as a sign of encouragement, Lister slipped the underpants down and in one movement took Rimmer's dick into his mouth.

He took a moment to savour the taste and feel of warm flesh, then slowly swirled his tongue around, exploring Rimmer's length. Ranting internally at the injustice - he wanted to spend a lifetime learning Rimmer's body but instead was forced to take a fast-track class - he moved his mouth up and down, experimenting until he heard Rimmer's breath hitch at a particularly sensitive point. He wrapped one hand around the base so that he could use his tongue and teeth on that spot. Rimmer's breath came even faster as Lister slid his hand up and down the shaft, using his mouth to alternate between sucking and lightly biting.

"Oh yes there," Rimmer's voice sounded shredded.

Lister felt his locks being tugged gently and almost moaned 'oh yes there' too. He was in sensory overload - the taste of Arnold in his mouth, the feel of Arnold's warm firm flesh in his hand, Arnold's moans echoing his own internal joy - Lister's erection threatened to explode, so he undid his own trousers with one hand and freed his cock, groaning onto Rimmer's skin as he started to pleasure himself. There was a similar groan from above, Rimmer's fingers tightened in his hair and the next second he was being pulled to his feet. With one hand still wrapped around Rimmer's cock, Lister looked at him quizzically.

"Let me do it," said Rimmer, leaning in and taking Lister's prodigious member in his hand. All traces of his earlier hesitation seemed to have disappeared as he started pumping his hand up and down, running his thumb over the head with every downstroke. For a moment Lister thought he was going to faint it felt so good, then he recovered control of himself enough to move his hand in the same rhythm. They leaned in to each other, matching pace, matching breaths, matching desire. As if of one mind they increased the speed and pressure of their hands on each other, striving for release before the ship moved.

"Dave, I'm close...you're making me come," Rimmer panted, moving his head in further so that he could whisper in Lister's ear. That was it for Lister, he moaned Rimmer's name out loud and let go of all control.

They came together, twin climaxes tearing through their bodies, crying out the other's name. Afterwards they stood panting against each other, still joined intimately. Slowly they both disengaged their hands and brought their arms up around each other, clinging tightly, not caring about the mess or that their clothes were in disarray. The engine noise became clearer and they could feel the ship taking off. They clung together even tighter; Lister felt that if he could just make them one person, then Arnold could stay whole forever. 

But suddenly he was clinging to nothing.

He fell forwards, stumbling into the wall. When he recovered, Rimmer was standing there fully dressed in a clean uniform, the holographic "H" on his forehead taunting Lister, a permanent reminder of what could have been. Avoiding eye contact, Lister attempted to clean himself up and reassemble his clothes, all the time trying not to let the tears spill down his cheeks. He wracked his brains for a smart-arse comment to belittle the experience they had just been through together. Better that Rimmer thought this had all been a ploy to escape the psi-moon. They would soon be back to their usual relationship. Surely that was better than loving someone you couldn't touch? But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Anyway Rimmer would probably make some sarcastic comment soon to cover up his true feelings and they could go back to the way it was before.

"Listy?"

He turned to face Rimmer, head hung down, ready for the sarcasm. Instead he heard four words that made his heart sink.

"You don't love me."

Lister looked up, ready to argue but there was something in Rimmer's expression that made him physically recoil.

"Arn..."

"Wait, let me finish. You think you love me but it's not real, it's never going to work," Rimmer said in a harsh tone, so different from his earlier ecstatic whispers. "It only feels like love because we are lonely. Do you really think I would look twice at you if we had 'normal' lives? You're a slob Lister, a lazy slob with no ambition besides finding more and more disgusting ways to trim your toenails. I only went along with all that," Rimmer waved his hand at the wall where moments before they'd stood together as one, "to get off this psi-moon. There's got to be someone better out there for me and I'm going to keep looking." 

Lister stared at Rimmer for a moment as the cruel words hit him, so much worse than the sarcasm he'd been expecting. He'd gone through too many emotions to process in the last day, he felt drained. All he wanted to do was find a quiet dark corner to be alone and lick his wounds, but before he could do that he dredged deep and found enough energy to reply. He couldn't let Rimmer have the last word.

"I've changed my mind, RIM-mer," Lister snarled, putting as much savage emphasis on the first syllable as he could manage. "I couldn't possibly love someone who can't bear to have feelings for me. So maybe I'm not perfect, but neither are you and I wouldn't expect you to be. But if you can't overlook my faults then you're right. There's got to be someone better out there. For both of us."

Lister stormed out of the room, completely missing the heartbroken look on Rimmer's face.

*****

A few minutes earlier.....

I need to stop this, thought Rimmer as his arms snaked around Lister, involuntarily drawing him closer.

I really need to stop this, thought Rimmer as their kiss got more intense and he dug his fingers into Lister's soft, plump arse, making desperate sounds that were in complete contrast to his thoughts.

This has to stop! he tried to be firm with himself, even as he was grinding the evidence of his intense arousal into Lister.

Then Lister broke away and asked, because that's the type of person Lister was, if they could carry on. Rimmer's thoughts raced.

I can't let him do this. Every outcome ends in disaster. If we get together and he's happy he'll stop searching, stop exploring, he'll settle down. And after a while it will drive him mad that we can't touch and he won't want to hurt me so he'll stick with me even though he's miserable. Or he'll do something stupid like leave, go off on his own to get away from me. What's even more likely is that I won't be enough for him and the boredom will drive him insane. I can't let any of that happen.

In that moment's hesitation he thought of all the reasons he should have stopped it there and then. But in the end he couldn't do it, not right then. Even though he knew it was selfish he wanted more, so much more from Lister and he couldn't deny himself a few minutes of happiness, of togetherness, of belonging to someone.

He nodded to say go on, knowing that all he was doing was putting off the moment when he'd have to be cruel. When he'd have to break Lister's heart.

And mine too, said a small voice inside him.


End file.
